The Grief Monster

Grief sucks and it’s truly the gift that keeps on giving. I’m not going to even go there about the 5 Stages because that almost makes it sound like there’s a clear beginning and end to it all, and there’s not. Grief is a nasty, non-linear journey that will have you feeling like a perfectly grounded warrior of coping one minute and then directly send you into feeling like a massively unstable welder of chaos the next minute, usually without fair warning. The sad part is, dying is just an unfortunate part of life. As a nurse, I have seen how much of a physical toll terminal illness takes on a person and have had the honor of caring for and being with patients as they receive the gift of death that also marks the end of suffering. So I think I definitely have a more positive outlook on death, especially when the person has been suffering long-term. The real issue is that no matter what my heads tells me about death being a gift, my heart still says it’s the most unfair thing ever. It’s probably one of the worst and most selfish feelings to know that your loved-one is much better off leaving this life behind but you still wish they were still here every single day. Grief doesn’t get better; you just get better with dealing with it. Somehow, you get over the nervous energy that tells you to stay busy so you don’t have to think too hard about it and you slowly start to feel all of it, eventually remembering the happy memories more than the sad ones. Maybe that’s how life was always meant to be.