On Today’s Episode of “You’re (Probably) Too Old For That”…

I’m a huge fan of American Ninja Warrior and occasionally get the wild idea that I am somehow young and coordinated enough to even have a chance in hell at doing such things. I went to the playground today with my kids, saw one of those zipline obstacles that connected one end of the playground to the other and suddenly thought up a super dumb idea. After second and even third guessing myself, I carefully stepped to the edge of the platform, carefully grabbed the zipline bar (I didn’t even get the recommended running start) and carefully pushed off of the platform. Well, thanks to my Mom Bod momentum and my crappy core strength, I ended up basically yeeting myself off of the 2-foot-high platform, seeing nothing but blue sky and promptly falling flat on my ass. Thanks to my plentiful rear airbags, the only thing seriously injured was my pride. Needless to say, I won’t be signing up for any obstacle course challenges in the near future and I’ll have the bruises as a reminder to act my age and ability or the next few days.